between the two homes of my split family, I have four pets: one dog, two cats, and a black bear...hamster, actually. Honey, the big furry mutt, lives at dad's alone, and spends her free time in the yard crapping peeing and puking on the grass. and when she's inside? well, she does the exact same thing. and the color of our carpet? well, it used to be off-white...but now it's calico in spots. eww, gross, I know. more than once, my dad had threatened to toss her back into the pound inbetween specific phrases about the dog I really shouldn't repeat.
another thing to do with animals is this: my mother, my sister, and myself, cannot stand spiders. we have serious major ridiculous arachnaphobia...or whatever and however you spell the fancy word for 'fear of spiders'...anyways. I can hold snakes, I can get dirty, and I get my hair greasy without any freak-out involved. But if there's a big fat wolf spider lurking in a corner of our basement waiting to spring on my toes, there's gonna be some hysteria involved, folks.
(there's a point to all this, I promise, just hang in there)
one more fact is this: the porch light at my dad's is quite literally possessed. it'll decide to turn on in the middle of the day and capriciously shut off at two in the morning. (and I know the two in the morning thing personally...don't ask how...*halo*) but for the first few hours of the night, it actually cooperates and fulfills its intended duty. so, our porch is a GOLD MINE for moths of every shape and size and disgustingness. and finally, a member of the arachnid family wised up and moved in, too.
all we noticed at first was this magnificent web in the corner of our porch. (I'm okay with webs, as long as I don't walk through them. then we have a serious problem on our hands, usually involving screaming, running in circles, and hyperventilating. because who knows in if there's a spider in that web?? *shudders*) then, the web was shortly accompanied by a big spider. not a wolf spider, but one with long spindly legs, and a big fat body. I was fascinated by it - as long as I knew where it was, and that it was outside, I didn't have a problem with it. it goes somewhere during the day when the cruel sunlight and warmth comes out and chases her victims away...but I'm not home during the day for the most part. so I can deal with her.
my mother and I found that this particular spider only has seven legs...and then fed it a smaller spider tonight. she is scary fast - like a littly buggy bolt of lightning. we watched in a disgusted trance as she sunk her fangs into her cousin, stunning him or sucking him or something, and then deftly pulling web from her fat butt and wrapped her snack in it. My mom and I just sat there a good five minutes, our faces twisted in expressions of perverse fascination. my dad pulled in the drive-way then, and after hearing a distracted explanation, dryly responded: "That spider is my favorite pet; I don't have to take care of it, I don't have to clean up its poop or puke or pee on my carpet, and I don't have to worry about stepping in its crap in the backyard." And with that, he walked right in the house, leaving me to reflect on the digestive property of a seven-legged creature I loathe so much that I'm fascinated by its unfathomable grossness.
another thing to do with animals is this: my mother, my sister, and myself, cannot stand spiders. we have serious major ridiculous arachnaphobia...or whatever and however you spell the fancy word for 'fear of spiders'...anyways. I can hold snakes, I can get dirty, and I get my hair greasy without any freak-out involved. But if there's a big fat wolf spider lurking in a corner of our basement waiting to spring on my toes, there's gonna be some hysteria involved, folks.
(there's a point to all this, I promise, just hang in there)
one more fact is this: the porch light at my dad's is quite literally possessed. it'll decide to turn on in the middle of the day and capriciously shut off at two in the morning. (and I know the two in the morning thing personally...don't ask how...*halo*) but for the first few hours of the night, it actually cooperates and fulfills its intended duty. so, our porch is a GOLD MINE for moths of every shape and size and disgustingness. and finally, a member of the arachnid family wised up and moved in, too.
all we noticed at first was this magnificent web in the corner of our porch. (I'm okay with webs, as long as I don't walk through them. then we have a serious problem on our hands, usually involving screaming, running in circles, and hyperventilating. because who knows in if there's a spider in that web?? *shudders*) then, the web was shortly accompanied by a big spider. not a wolf spider, but one with long spindly legs, and a big fat body. I was fascinated by it - as long as I knew where it was, and that it was outside, I didn't have a problem with it. it goes somewhere during the day when the cruel sunlight and warmth comes out and chases her victims away...but I'm not home during the day for the most part. so I can deal with her.
my mother and I found that this particular spider only has seven legs...and then fed it a smaller spider tonight. she is scary fast - like a littly buggy bolt of lightning. we watched in a disgusted trance as she sunk her fangs into her cousin, stunning him or sucking him or something, and then deftly pulling web from her fat butt and wrapped her snack in it. My mom and I just sat there a good five minutes, our faces twisted in expressions of perverse fascination. my dad pulled in the drive-way then, and after hearing a distracted explanation, dryly responded: "That spider is my favorite pet; I don't have to take care of it, I don't have to clean up its poop or puke or pee on my carpet, and I don't have to worry about stepping in its crap in the backyard." And with that, he walked right in the house, leaving me to reflect on the digestive property of a seven-legged creature I loathe so much that I'm fascinated by its unfathomable grossness.
Comments