Anyone ever see "Mean Girls" with Lindsey Lohan? When she was pissed off, she suffered from a symptom she dubbed "word vomit". Hers was the result of her convulsing anger, but I have a different word vomit. Mine is basically the result of my vocabulary and emotions upchucking at the same time.
I'm not quite sure what to tell you guys; what's appropriate to say, what you don't need to know, what's too much to tell you. This is probably gonna be a pretty long entry, which might scare you off, but after hearing my unusally discouraging tones I have no doubt that many of you are now riveted. I guess...you guys love me and want to know me, and for some, this is the only way you keep up with me. I'll figure out the limit as I go, I guess.
I had a very good talk with my momma today, which is a good sign for our relationship. It was violently and starkly splintered for quite a while, but it has progressed in leaps and bounds lately as I've better understood what I can expect from it. You should know that there are certain things you can't mention to your mom, and that specific subjects would be better discussed with your father, and things of that nature. I've established that Dad is an excellent spiritual leader, but mom is a much much more sympathetic and patient ear for the ramblings of her eldest daughter. I don't know why, maybe it's just my approaching Hormonal Week (ahem ahem - you should know what I mean...) but I just started pouring out confusion and emotions her way in one big mass of ugliness and incoherency. She listened with compassion written in the brown eyes I stole from her and suggested we run to Starbucks for some really good comfort food. Had it been Dad, the dissertation would have continued to try and better understand it; I needed a caramel frap and a cinnamon coffee cake more.
To sum up...my Valentine's Day has either been postponed or cancelled, I'm not sure which. Dave wracked his brains and decided on a game plan: trying to cook a certain recipe together (we are both monstrously bad omens in a kitchen, so maybe we'll cancel each other out) and a non-rose flower or two for me. I liked that idea. The morning of, though, he got in a fender bender that did a good job to the front of his car, and he spent a good portion of the day talking to his dad and getting insurance quotes and estimating the cost of a rental car and all that jazz. He came over to Dad's house, and he and I just chilled out, kissed a while, watched some silly video clips online and bumped into the WWII gun special on the history channel. I had just printed out a short gun dictionary (I got sick of him speaking to me in a foreign language) so I think I learned a fair amount about one of the loves in his life, which was pretty cool. When he called that morning to tell me the plans for the day were off, my disappointment filtered through the phone. He asked a couple times if I was mad at him, and I told him I wasn't, truly, I was just really diappointed and that stuff like this happens. Which is true, but...
Is it too much to ask for a letter now and again? Not even a letter, but a hand-written note? An email, even? His text messages are marvelous and they give me the drive to finish a long day, but they're so short and...easy, I guess, to be perfectly honest. I absolutely love it when he always opens doors for me and pays for my lunch and regularly texts and calls me and tickles me and transports me EVERYwhere and kisses me on the lips and cheek goodbye; I love that for our one month he got me flowers and cd's and that for our 6 month he went all out both financially and creatively and factored in my love for Christmas lights against his natural Grinch-ness and everything...but what about the inbetween stuff? The stuff that's more important than opening doors but less significant than a bouquet of flowers? Stuff that doesn't happen either daily or annually, but every once in a while as a pleasant surprise? Like a note, or a silly little gift, or making it a point to compliment the other a few times throughout the day, or just...inbetween stuff like that. Little things that aren't routine or expensive just to let the other person know that...you're in their thoughts, and more than just a fleeting image, but something about you they just can't get out of their head.
Like Dave's beautiful green eyes...and amazing shy turn-my-knees-to-jello smile...the spark in his face when he makes fun of me...the way his hair rumples right after taking his hat off...seeing him light up as he walks into Vance's to ogle rifles and handguns he'll never have...waving goodbye to me from his pathetically dented Ford Taurus every time he leaves...the words in that one sole letter from him 3 months ago reread a thousand and one times...
It's not that I don't appreciate everything he's done for me. It's just that I feel I need a little more...and I don't know how to ask.
You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless
Comments welcomed and encouraged.
I'm not quite sure what to tell you guys; what's appropriate to say, what you don't need to know, what's too much to tell you. This is probably gonna be a pretty long entry, which might scare you off, but after hearing my unusally discouraging tones I have no doubt that many of you are now riveted. I guess...you guys love me and want to know me, and for some, this is the only way you keep up with me. I'll figure out the limit as I go, I guess.
I had a very good talk with my momma today, which is a good sign for our relationship. It was violently and starkly splintered for quite a while, but it has progressed in leaps and bounds lately as I've better understood what I can expect from it. You should know that there are certain things you can't mention to your mom, and that specific subjects would be better discussed with your father, and things of that nature. I've established that Dad is an excellent spiritual leader, but mom is a much much more sympathetic and patient ear for the ramblings of her eldest daughter. I don't know why, maybe it's just my approaching Hormonal Week (ahem ahem - you should know what I mean...) but I just started pouring out confusion and emotions her way in one big mass of ugliness and incoherency. She listened with compassion written in the brown eyes I stole from her and suggested we run to Starbucks for some really good comfort food. Had it been Dad, the dissertation would have continued to try and better understand it; I needed a caramel frap and a cinnamon coffee cake more.
To sum up...my Valentine's Day has either been postponed or cancelled, I'm not sure which. Dave wracked his brains and decided on a game plan: trying to cook a certain recipe together (we are both monstrously bad omens in a kitchen, so maybe we'll cancel each other out) and a non-rose flower or two for me. I liked that idea. The morning of, though, he got in a fender bender that did a good job to the front of his car, and he spent a good portion of the day talking to his dad and getting insurance quotes and estimating the cost of a rental car and all that jazz. He came over to Dad's house, and he and I just chilled out, kissed a while, watched some silly video clips online and bumped into the WWII gun special on the history channel. I had just printed out a short gun dictionary (I got sick of him speaking to me in a foreign language) so I think I learned a fair amount about one of the loves in his life, which was pretty cool. When he called that morning to tell me the plans for the day were off, my disappointment filtered through the phone. He asked a couple times if I was mad at him, and I told him I wasn't, truly, I was just really diappointed and that stuff like this happens. Which is true, but...
Is it too much to ask for a letter now and again? Not even a letter, but a hand-written note? An email, even? His text messages are marvelous and they give me the drive to finish a long day, but they're so short and...easy, I guess, to be perfectly honest. I absolutely love it when he always opens doors for me and pays for my lunch and regularly texts and calls me and tickles me and transports me EVERYwhere and kisses me on the lips and cheek goodbye; I love that for our one month he got me flowers and cd's and that for our 6 month he went all out both financially and creatively and factored in my love for Christmas lights against his natural Grinch-ness and everything...but what about the inbetween stuff? The stuff that's more important than opening doors but less significant than a bouquet of flowers? Stuff that doesn't happen either daily or annually, but every once in a while as a pleasant surprise? Like a note, or a silly little gift, or making it a point to compliment the other a few times throughout the day, or just...inbetween stuff like that. Little things that aren't routine or expensive just to let the other person know that...you're in their thoughts, and more than just a fleeting image, but something about you they just can't get out of their head.
Like Dave's beautiful green eyes...and amazing shy turn-my-knees-to-jello smile...the spark in his face when he makes fun of me...the way his hair rumples right after taking his hat off...seeing him light up as he walks into Vance's to ogle rifles and handguns he'll never have...waving goodbye to me from his pathetically dented Ford Taurus every time he leaves...the words in that one sole letter from him 3 months ago reread a thousand and one times...
It's not that I don't appreciate everything he's done for me. It's just that I feel I need a little more...and I don't know how to ask.
You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless
Comments welcomed and encouraged.
Comments
one of which is that my heart absolutly melted in those last few paragraphs....that was sooo sweet...
another thought being that in this low period (yes I can tell that your guys are in a valley just by the way you wrote that...and I knonw you better than myself) I want to encourage you to be flexible and open to his opinions and thoughts
and a little throw out to your mom-she sweet and totally cool
sorry, just had to add that.
heather, David may be a real cool guy (who knows all of my nest moves and words...theif that he is...) but there is no perfect man. usually, there is the one who remebers the big stuff and loses the small stuff or vice versa. have yet to meet a guy to be able to cover both bases very well if at all
and heather, it sounds as if your dissappointment may have gotten to him
even though things went sour in terms of fruition of plans, he DID plan the thing. give him that credit. you never know, you may have crushed him; he may be the kind of guy like me that once he senses dissatifaction, he gets real crushed
just some of my thoughts H
and tell your dad that nana's gonna try and call and to bitch and comnplain; don't listen to a word of it
Maybe he did sense my disappointment. That actually makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it. Thanks for your advice - invaluable as always my lovable twin :D
Love love crazy crazy love your way Brian! I'm off to climb out of our little valley!! :)
Over and out trukers,
~nate
zzzz Over and out truzzzzzers
~:P nate
zzzz Over and out truzzzzzers
~:P nate