I Dub Thee "Button"

so we just had our Thanksgiving linner...dunch...some meal between lunch and dinner, you know what I mean. And the meal was good and all, but that totally wasn't the best part of the holiday. Dude, the day isn't even over yet, and that is SO freaking exciting. so I'm chilling with my cousin Brian in his bedroom up here in Akron, and enjoying our down time. we're full of turkey triptophin (or whatever the sleepy enzyme in is that bird) and he's kindly allowed me to use his apple laptop. *pets laptop* purty....shiny....ooo...*wipes slobber from keyboard* so this is an experience for me - there's no describing the high I get from this. mm...shiny apple laptop...

okay, I'm going to stop making out with my cousin's computer - I don't think he'll appreciate drool stains on here. speaking of Bri...we've only been together a couple of hours, and already we're thick as thieves and twice as much trouble. inside the first half hour, all the cousins packed up their warm worldly goods and tromped outside, older cousins versus younger cousins. which means Brian and I, who can communicate telepathically, were on one team defending the backyard pine tree while the little 'uns tried to penetrate the base. eventually, we picked up little Jake as a spy (surprisingly, he wasn't a double agent despite our suspicions) and managed to sway their affections from my desperately loyal little sis to our side. at which point, it was everyone against Natalie, so as soon as that happened, the war was over. Quite regretable, but my sister fought valiantly and Jake was fiercely on the Older Cousins side there at the end, and it was fun times. The most ingenious ideas? First, the short-range super defensive weapon. the snowshovel. Gosh, a classic reborn, we used that to its fullest potential. And the grab-and-go snowballs - a genius act only available when you have a base in a pine tree with broken off limbs. The invention had its shining moment when we were brilliantly ambushed by all the kiddos, and Brian (who to make a long story short, can't bend over) was able to utilize it. In essence, shove hard-packed handfuls of snow on the broken off bits and mold them to it so they stay. Excellent stuff.

the next great part of the day...the mutated duck alien snow man. Well...Libby and I were supposed to be making a snowman...but the snow layer is too thin, and his head was too small, and the carrot was too big (I even had to eat half of it before sticking-onage) and...and...well, what with the tin foil hat...and his buggy pebble eyes...and his dorky too-big carrot nose...he ended up looking like a mutated duck alien snow man thing. still, it's friggin' sweet, as Brian would say, for that is his catch phrase (Brian, you know I love you *winks*)

and then, oh THEN, my huge weakness, my equivalent-to-kryptonite Achilles heel, was discovered en masse by EVERYONE here. in case you didn't know, I am extremely ticklish. poke me in my side, I fall to the floor. squeeze my knees, and the tickler suffers severe injury from my reflexes. poke me in the freaking BUTT and I laugh, that's how horrible I am. and so my newest nickname has been born: Brian was tickling me in front of the Youngers, and the Youngers joined in, and then as a writhing mass of ticklish parts of the floor I scream at my cousin Brian

"I AM NOT A BUTTON FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!"'

"Heather...you are a button. You're one big button of ticklish spots."

"........I guess you're right. But you're only allowed to tickle me if you call me Button. Button, button, button, button, button..."

at which point the tickling resumed to shut me up. so there's the Button nickname story. (button, button, button, button, button, button....)

And then, oh then, Brian's masterful attempt at Pig Latin. Haha! absolutely amazing. And yes Brian, I am going to post your stupidity for all the internet to see. it would be a shame to not have the world laugh as such brilliant idiocy as well. the deal is, Brian's mom, Aunt Sharon, contributed to the linner table (intentional misspelling) by adding a different version of stuffing to the table. the odd ingredient was grapes - yet somehow so still delicious. so her brilliant son opens up his mouth and goes "Yeah, and in pig latin, that's 'rape-gay'!"

Everyone at the dinner table thought about it, repeated inside their head, and I said, "Brian...do you even hear what you're saying...?"

Gruffly my grandfather intoned, "That's 'ape-grey', Brian."

As Brian babbled a decent and embaressed response, my mischievous father and Uncle Scott ragged on him mercilessly.

"Did anyone get that on tape?"

"Yeah, that sounded like blatent gay-bashing to me."

"And we are all witnesses of it!"

Boy did we laugh.

But I got my fair share of the attention. The Boyfriend. Oh, did I get it on the subject of The Boyfriend. There was blushing and mumbling and slight editing of the truth. It's like a nightmare game of 20 questions. ALL the relatives turned their head as one when my Uncle Scott asked with a devious twinkle in his eye, "So...about Dave?" And my Dad, pouring the punch in my grandfather's glass, gesturing towards his stuttering older daughter and says, "Oh...I think I saw a bit of a blush in those cheeks." That was interestingly mortifying 15 minutes-worth of my life.

So an hour later and several mini-cousin molestations, I'm still on the bed with Brian...and Natalie...and Brian...and Jake. Only Erick is missing in the mob, which means we're screaming (but not as often as we could be screaming it) "DON'T TICKLE HEATHER! DON'T KILL EACH OTHER! EXPENSIVE COMPUTER! EXPENSIVE COMPUTER!!!!!!" and just now we've managed to cut a deal with them - I cuddle with Libby when we watch CSI tonight, and then they left the room like water from a sieve. Literally, because we're still figuratively 'wet' from that experience.

Well...i've disciplined you enough by making you read this long post. but I just wanted you to know what a great turkey day I had. thanks for suffering through reading this!!

love,
~button