My girlfriends like to bother me about when Dave and I will have a baby. Their eyes light up at the thought of having a small wriggling creature to play with...and the ability to give it back to me when that creature diarheeas down both chubby thighs.
So for anyone wondering when that blessed event will even begin to be a possibility, here's a checklist of things to look for:
1) 2 college degrees hanging in frames on the wall. Emphasis on framed, not just received. Just because the tassel's on the other side of the hat does not mean we are suddenly in a hurry.
2) A diminishment in my present glee every time I refill my Ocella prescription.
3) A time when our sink spends more time clean and empty than as a neon-moldy scientific experiment.
4) A clear floor, when we would no longer have to hike over the hills and dales of laundry baskets and bookbags. At this point, we'd have to stack the crib on top of the hamster cage.
5) A trip to the grocery store that isn't determined by how much room is in my freezer and how I can dirty the least amount of dishes possible. Ah, Stouffers, how many times you've saved our busy lives.
6) Dave gets (or builds) his own workroom so that swallowably-small harmfuls (like 9mm cartridges) don't end up in a grubby fist and a drooly mouth. You'd be surprised how many of them I've found rattling around the bottom of the washer.
7) Our bedroom is clean - enough for us to guiltlessly chastise teenage children to clean their room. Because right now, we're folding most things on the biggest shelf. And by shelf, I mean floor. And by folding, I mean piles.
NOTE: NONE OF THESE HAVE BEEN ACCOMPLISHED.
So for anyone wondering when that blessed event will even begin to be a possibility, here's a checklist of things to look for:
1) 2 college degrees hanging in frames on the wall. Emphasis on framed, not just received. Just because the tassel's on the other side of the hat does not mean we are suddenly in a hurry.
2) A diminishment in my present glee every time I refill my Ocella prescription.
3) A time when our sink spends more time clean and empty than as a neon-moldy scientific experiment.
4) A clear floor, when we would no longer have to hike over the hills and dales of laundry baskets and bookbags. At this point, we'd have to stack the crib on top of the hamster cage.
5) A trip to the grocery store that isn't determined by how much room is in my freezer and how I can dirty the least amount of dishes possible. Ah, Stouffers, how many times you've saved our busy lives.
6) Dave gets (or builds) his own workroom so that swallowably-small harmfuls (like 9mm cartridges) don't end up in a grubby fist and a drooly mouth. You'd be surprised how many of them I've found rattling around the bottom of the washer.
7) Our bedroom is clean - enough for us to guiltlessly chastise teenage children to clean their room. Because right now, we're folding most things on the biggest shelf. And by shelf, I mean floor. And by folding, I mean piles.
NOTE: NONE OF THESE HAVE BEEN ACCOMPLISHED.
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