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Showing posts from January, 2006

I Hope I'm This Senile Someday - What A Great Excuse

So here's my first funny story from my new job at Giant Eagle:

I'm standing at the end of my empty check-out line and trying to lure in full-carted customers with encouraging smiles when i see a little old man and his wife a few lines down at the self-checkout area. I smiled at them, and then the little old man graced me with a short bow. I bowed back, and he smiled like he thought I had performed the most wonderful thing. He waddled over as fast as his rheumetic limbs would allow and proceeded to give me a full explanation, including hand illustrations, as to why he found my bow so charming:

"Usually anymore when you bow at someone, even though yer trying to be nice, all anybody'll do is fwip!" He whipped out a gnarled middle finger as a demonstration, much to my surprise. And it didn't end there. "And if that ain't enough, if you keep trying to be nice, they'll just bbbrrrrrt!" Turning his finger horizontal, he skimmed across my line of visi…

I Even Love Her Links

Dooce had one of her link lists, connecting readers to a page with pictures full of sticky and grumpy and wailing and wide-eyed children with humorous quips lovingly attached to the bottom of each from the author parent.

This is great. This is charming. This is right in line with my family's potty humor. This is what my brother wishes we would tell him.

And since I have no time for my own humor, check this out at dooce - easily the funniest thing I have ever read. My mother tried to read it out loud but I had to finish up because she was laughing so hard she couldn't see the words on the page with her eyes squinched shut in a ball on the floor.

Enjoy the links.

Not Sweet 16, But Transitional 18

Recently I've been reflecting more and more on this past year - my 18th year - and how many significant events have been crammed into it. Wow. I've had my first boyfriend, my first time going to a church my family did not, my first year of college, my first driving experience (yes, I know that's sad), my first fully-realized death, my graduation, first time changing jobs, first thoughts of moving out and know where to, my first year running around with plastic in my wallet...my first year for a lot of stuff. And other things I can't even really remember right now but had marveled over earlier. It's just been such a year of...transitions. Learning more and more about fending for myself academically and financially and spiritually and mentally - basically, owning my beliefs whether I believe the same as my parents or not. That's a liberating, but frightening, thought to me. I'm used to dad having most of the answers to things in life and now I've hit this…

Speaking of Dreams...

Been a craaaazy couple of days, but today was rejuvenating. I got to hang out with Dave, between wrestling and tickling matches, chilling out on the couch panting in a giggling heap of knees and elbows, stealing onions from his side salad for my sandwich, and giving him a quick tour of the now-electronically-savvy basement. The electronics weren't really the main focus *winks* but he had to leave a few minutes later.

In all the insanity, it seems like I won't be moving in for at least another month. I start my new job at Giant Eagle tomorrow, and the gal in charge of the house I'm moving into decided that I wouldn't need the rent-free three months now. She really thinks it would be better, since I have a job, to pay for it myself (the last girl who lived rent-free for a set amount of time mooched extra months). So...definetely delayed until I figure out my job schedule and continue convincing my dad I'm capable of surviving independently.

Another perk to this week is…

THE BRONZE AGE HAS ARRIVED

Ohmigod

I write this sitting in my mother's basement with INTERNET FREAKING CONNECTION

let's just say...the past four years (fondly referred to as the Stone Age, y'know, the one before the invention of the wheel??) , coming over to my mother's house has been the equivalent of a communication drought, during which I suffered much internet withdrawal...

NEVER AGAIN

the man my mother has married a man who has brought wonderful marvelous GIFTS to this house!

1: 2 more television sets!
2: cable!!
3: INTERNET!!!!
4: DVR!!!!!!
5: a personality compatible as a second husband and step dad!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU TRENT AND NOT JUST FOR YOUR GADGETS!!!

...but thanks for the gadgets too :) you know I love ya

Stressed

Hello all

Just a note to let you know I was still alive

I meant to have a real entry

I spent the better part of the last hour writing it

It turned into an ungrammatical incomprehensible wastebin of words

I ranted about my Dad being difficult about me moving out

One hour and one wastebin of words later

I think I might know why besides the obvious

Obvious: I'm the older scatter-brained closest-to child

Or

The Unobvious: He wants me to earn that ticket out the front door

God only knows anymore

"911, How Can I Help Norwood Street?"

I didn't get a chance to rush in here and post this...but in a span of 24 hours, the cops had to visit the street my dad lives on. Incident #1 goes like this...

#1: This past Monday, my Dad happened to get back to the house the same time Dave and I did. We're all taking our time actually getting out of the car, and as I'm stepping outside to go up to the porch, an eerily quiet caravan of emergency vehicles came down our street in a not-so-hurried sort of way, flashing lights turned off. Veering towards the sidewalk, the ungainly procession swerved away again and pulled up right across the street from my house, both police cars, the ambulance, and the big fire engine.

I felt my breaths shallow, and I feared they would jump out of the ambulance with a stretcher and carry out our neighbor John. John is an older man who lives with his 30-year-old son who has a mild mental handicap; but John has cancer, and is the type who says they've lived long enough and are not gonna put …

Groveling

I know, I know, it's been nearly a month since I've updated it. But let's just say I have a pretty good excuse for the majority of the time: I only had internet access half the time, and half of that time was cancelled out by family, and half of THAT time was spent catching up with friends I hadn't seen because of family and then school started and I'm job hunting and hoping to move out in 20 days or so and it's been INSANITY. Even more insane than my brother and sister thumping around the house and bumping into corners and giggling maniacally as they chase each other with gleeful vengeance. And trust me, that's pretty insane.

Updates worth reporting is that Dave and I will hit the 7 month mark in two days (very exciting) and our date has already been paid for! Trent, my mom's fiance, bought me and Dave $30 dollars worth of Mongolian Barbeque gift certificates and $25 worth of credit for AMC theaters - in essence, a prepaid date night! That came a very c…