A girl I've known since I was in middle school called and woke me around 10:30 this morning (trust me, I am living up the Christmas break life for all it's worth) to update me on her life. This was the second phone conversation I've had with her since she moved to southern Ohio with her boyfriend and his family a little before I moved into the girls' house in September.
The first conversation was maybe 90 seconds, a brief giddy invite to be a kimono-wearing bridesmaid for her summer wedding. That means she would be married at 20; I looked at myself and realized that I myself am not ready for such a thing and won't be for a while, and knowing my friend I couldn't say that she's honestly ready for such a commitment either, but is going along with the thought because we girls, we like weddings. The presents, the attention, the pretty dresses - we love the whole scene. We sometimes forget that marriage happens after that, and that marriage life is very different from the wedding day.
Then she called to tell me her most recent news: she's 9 weeks pregnant. She's moving the wedding up to the spring and it seems that while this is earlier than planned she is still happy with the development - according to her doctor, she might even be having two come this July. When she told me, I instinctively covered my own belly with my free hand, barely able to imagine something so big happening to me so young. She sounded fairly nonchalant but I know I would be scared - what a lot of change and commitment before you even hit the legal drinking age. I felt overwhelmed for her.
And then I was overwhelmed myself - I am the product of a woman walking down the aisle 3 months along with me, not even 20 when she said "I do". There are obviously differences in my friend's situation but as soon as I realized what similarities there were between me and her child I felt compassion stir up in me. I know my friend will love her child but it will be hard. Another one of my friends is 22, has been happily healthily married for nearly 2 years, and has a 4-month-old daughter and it's hard even for them.
I really wish my friend had stayed home here with her family and friends and waited later in life before all this happened, and she knows that, but she is my friend. And I want to love her the best way I can, whatever that looks like.
The first conversation was maybe 90 seconds, a brief giddy invite to be a kimono-wearing bridesmaid for her summer wedding. That means she would be married at 20; I looked at myself and realized that I myself am not ready for such a thing and won't be for a while, and knowing my friend I couldn't say that she's honestly ready for such a commitment either, but is going along with the thought because we girls, we like weddings. The presents, the attention, the pretty dresses - we love the whole scene. We sometimes forget that marriage happens after that, and that marriage life is very different from the wedding day.
Then she called to tell me her most recent news: she's 9 weeks pregnant. She's moving the wedding up to the spring and it seems that while this is earlier than planned she is still happy with the development - according to her doctor, she might even be having two come this July. When she told me, I instinctively covered my own belly with my free hand, barely able to imagine something so big happening to me so young. She sounded fairly nonchalant but I know I would be scared - what a lot of change and commitment before you even hit the legal drinking age. I felt overwhelmed for her.
And then I was overwhelmed myself - I am the product of a woman walking down the aisle 3 months along with me, not even 20 when she said "I do". There are obviously differences in my friend's situation but as soon as I realized what similarities there were between me and her child I felt compassion stir up in me. I know my friend will love her child but it will be hard. Another one of my friends is 22, has been happily healthily married for nearly 2 years, and has a 4-month-old daughter and it's hard even for them.
I really wish my friend had stayed home here with her family and friends and waited later in life before all this happened, and she knows that, but she is my friend. And I want to love her the best way I can, whatever that looks like.
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I too, am somewhat the product of a woman not ready for a child, and not even committed in marriage. But she was brave enough to give me up for adoption and allow me to live a life she couldn't give me, and I will never be able to thank her enough, even if we've never met.