Well, unfortunately I can't think of any stories to entertain you with in here. Just the usual musing about my life and what (I hope) I have learned or started to learn lately.
Alot of it has to do with Dave recently (shocking, I know). There are days when I really don't want to deal with his pessimism, especially if I hear it in his voice over the phone right before seeing him. The length and breadth of it amazes me sometimes - how does someone have that much negativity all in the same body? - but even more surprising is when I'm able to help cheer him up bit by bit as we spend time together. I feel like I've done nothing but bounce shiny optimistic pebbles against a dome of black glass, waiting for a crack, or even hairline fracture, to appear on the surface. Nothing - as solid and smooth as before. And then, in the moment I have my back turned it lifts behind me and this playful young man comes out for the remainder of our time together. I don't really know how it happens, when it happens, or what happens to make it happen, but I think I'm partly to blame for bringing it out. Which is really encouraging.
Mm...so much to think about. So much is changing or about to change. I wish I could handle it better. Not with Dave, really - if anything he is the biggest source of comfort for me - but just in my family and my school, my life and my home. I know where I am going to belong, but I'm still gauging my remaining role living at home these next few weeks. Just...alot to wrap my mind around, that's all.
Signing off,
The Muse
Alot of it has to do with Dave recently (shocking, I know). There are days when I really don't want to deal with his pessimism, especially if I hear it in his voice over the phone right before seeing him. The length and breadth of it amazes me sometimes - how does someone have that much negativity all in the same body? - but even more surprising is when I'm able to help cheer him up bit by bit as we spend time together. I feel like I've done nothing but bounce shiny optimistic pebbles against a dome of black glass, waiting for a crack, or even hairline fracture, to appear on the surface. Nothing - as solid and smooth as before. And then, in the moment I have my back turned it lifts behind me and this playful young man comes out for the remainder of our time together. I don't really know how it happens, when it happens, or what happens to make it happen, but I think I'm partly to blame for bringing it out. Which is really encouraging.
Mm...so much to think about. So much is changing or about to change. I wish I could handle it better. Not with Dave, really - if anything he is the biggest source of comfort for me - but just in my family and my school, my life and my home. I know where I am going to belong, but I'm still gauging my remaining role living at home these next few weeks. Just...alot to wrap my mind around, that's all.
Signing off,
The Muse
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