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Religious Musings...

So, getting the coffee went well. We ran into an older friend of mine and his wife there and chatted for like 20 minutes or something crazy like that. About life and church and odds and ends like that. But that meant an extra 20 minutes waiting for what Dave had to say.

To sum it up, we sat down and tried to comprehensibly write the purpose of our relationship to get things going on the right track: in other words, we want to be less physical and more spiritually uplifting. Dude, even I'm intimidated by such a daunting task. But we want our relationship to be something good for the both of us; the purpose of a Christian dating relationship is to support and rebuke and encourage one another in the direction of spiritual maturity. And no, don't freak out and think I'm going Puritan on you guys or anything, I still definetely enjoy kissing and the odd harmless make-out session, there's nothing wrong with that at all...but it is a problem when the relationship is based on little more than the physical. In order to have the kind of Christian dating relationship Dave & I want, we either need to revamp what we've got or be willing to take ourselves away from each other. And no, I don't like my options - both are really hard choices because (unfortunately) I'm comfortable where I am.

But we're being forced to ask the question IS IT GOOD FOR US TO BE TOGETHER? And that's a hard question to ask in bald honesty. No, we're not being forced to do this by our church, we're not in an occult trying to divide the males from the females or anything of that nature...but it does come down to priorities. Which relationship is more important to me - the one with Dave? Or the one with God? Like I said, asking that question of myself as honestly as possible is hard stuff to swallow. There have been a couple sleepless nights before where I've had to ask that question of myself without Dave's probing, where I've had to determine where my priorities lie. Every once in a while, like a bolt from the blue, I'll get a refreshingly clear answer while praying or reading the Bible. From all my years at Tree of Life and Bible study and praying and reading, I trust myself when I hear those "bolts" and I'll look into their credibility to make sure my brian isn't making up some nonsense. (I have the basic training for Christianity if not always the passion driving it) This is probably the most cutting, and irrefutable, answer I've eever received to the aforementioned question: For the relationship you want with Dave, it won't work with him if you won't work with Me.

Gulp. That's a tough one, because my years of schooling and studying has turned the Bible into nothing more than answers to quizzes and words to blandly memorize - a grade percentage, basically. It's really hard for me to get into the act of reading the Bible for the pleasure and the personal learning - it's a motivation I've never needed before, because my Bible class gave me a different motivation. At a totally secular school I have no requirements for it; I won't fail anything if I don't read it, or if I didn't pray for 30 minutes last night...my spiritual walk is now a much more personal thing, and I'm struggling with that. I firmly believe in Christianity...but it's hard to suddenly have little incentive to study because I really won't have punishment for not studying. It sounds terrible out loud but its regrettably true.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to study...it's just the incentive is harder to find and keep. My church still thinks it's a good idea, excellent, but they won't grade me on it. I won't flunk out of Bible study if I don't read.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to come to Christianity after making more mistakes - if I would have more passion as the returning Prodigal Son rather than knowing precious little outside of Christian influences. Raised in a Christian home by Christian parents, going to Sunday School every week in my fluffy little dresses, getting Christian counseling as my parents went through the divorce, graduating from a Christian school I attended for 7 years...is it the amount of overcome tribulations that fuel the passion? Or is it something else entirely that I'm just too conditioned to see?

Bravo if you read this all the way through...I'm sorry, it's full of murky musings and questions deeper than i'd like to comfortably consider everyday. Feedback and commentary on this would be much appreciated, regardless of religious standings. Every little bit counts, so please add your bit - you never know, so what's the harm?

Heath, over and out (finally)

Comments

Anonymous said…
3 things, Heather...


1. SAH-WEET LAYOUT!!!! FRIGGAN RIGHT!

2. YOU LINKED ME!!!! YEA!

3. I want to encourage you to not screw up like I have so many times. I always have the memories of going too far. they are burned in my mind and my heart. Its a little loophole that the enemy gets to do...

I know that you have heard this a million times, but maybe coming from me, a non-professional speakes that knows exactly what and when to say things, but Heather, cutting back the physical is a fabuously adult decision. Nana don't know anythin. You are growing up very fast. And its cool to watch that. I had to grow up fast and seeing you go thru that, in my mind, is real cool. Cuz' I'm here for you Heather. You always got me in your corner. Ok chika? ok.




o and btw, you have a typo

"to make sure my brian isn't making up some nonsense" (i bet you wanted to put "brain")



Love you girl.
~heather said…
I cheated - I used a template. But still, I like it too. :)

and no, I definetely meant "brian" *winks* thanks for catching that - I'm gonna leave it there, though

goodness, I miss you and love you so much my marvelous cousin *hugs* thanks for the encouragement - it is welcomed enthusiastically
Deb said…
I find your questions very intriguing and smart. You're such a good thinker.
Anonymous said…
eyes sparkle with awe
you sound so adult but I think, from the perspective of an inexperienced 16 year old that you have your priorities straight and you really want your relationship to be everything it can be and by putting God first that is what you are doing. Bravo!

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