The Giant Eagle Series: Volume 2

Here's another story from my ongoing saga of employment at Giant Eagle:

I've just turned the light to my aisle off, I'm getting ready to head home, and my favorite manager is about to get my remaining stash of coupons, when a young Oriental couple pulls in with hopeful faces. They don't have much to buy, so I suffer one last load.

I should've waved them on.

They buy $16.31 worth of groceries (yes, that's an exact number, you'll see why I remember it) and I ask how they're paying. The guy hands me his Buck ID card, which for those of you who don't know how that works, it's a little piece of plastic that OSU students can use to double as a credit card and takes 8 YEARS to process. Not really, but our Buck ID machines are all archaic and tempermental. The machine asks for the amount of the sale, I have to punch that in, wait for the machine to search for the signal...then find the signal...then connect to the signal...than approve the signal...then print out a receipt with the sale amount and remaining balance...then I have to tell the actual computer the amount of the sale...the code for the type of sale it was...then the sale goes one of two ways: either they had enough on their Buck ID to pay for the entire order and it's over, or they didn't have quite enough and we continue with the next form of payment. Oh yeah, I definetely ended up processing 4 types of payment for these two.

The guy hands me his card and says "I tink der 14 dollars someting on here. Don't really know how much mo."

"OK, I'll just put in 14 dollars for now and finish it up when we know what we've got."

SO I punch it in and wait and wait and push buttons and out comes the receipt with a 2 cent balance. Oh no, there's no cent left behind with this pair.

"I so sorry - can you use dat up please?"

"Um...sure..." So I swipe and push buttons and code and wait and receipt comes out showing that the balance is now a cheerful zero. That's good, now they'll pay normally, no more torturous Buck ID, there's only $2.29 left, please pull out your wallet with some crisp green bills.

Then, oh then, the lady leans forward with HER Buck ID and says, "I have 22 cent. Can you do dat too please? I sorry." I blinked and couldn't help laughing at how ridiculous this was becoming. My manager looked at me and then reached a long arm over to the next register to pull off a strip of printer paper and grab a pen. I look up as the Stone-Age piece of crap finally starts to print out a receipt declaring HER balance is a joyfully lovely zero DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS IN HERE WITH LESS THAN ONE DOLLAR BALANCES THEY'D LIKE TO CANCEL WHILE WE'RE AT IT? GO AHEAD, REALLY. There's a flicker of paper on my other side, and on the receipt paper my manager has written in red capital letters: "THEY ARE TRYING TO TORTURE YOU" Yes, David, I know, but you have to admit, it is very funny.

FINALLY we get to a balance of $2.07, and he whips out a wonderfully simple credit card to END THE TORMENT. I'm still biting back hysterical giggles as they leave while David shakes his head and tries to be professional. All he had to said was "Oh. My. God."